There’s a lot of talk this time of the year about setting and achieving goals.
However, what you’ve surely discovered by now is that setting goals and developing the beliefs, habits and behaviors to achieve them are two entirely different things.
That’s because our beliefs don’t always line up with our goals, and we cannot act apart from our beliefs. Our beliefs control our actions, and our actions create the results we get in life.
If we want to change our outcomes, we must change our actions. And if we want to change our actions, we must change our beliefs.
We have belief on two levels. We have beliefs in our educated mind that are based on logic—on what we see and on the information that we gather.
We also have beliefs on a deeper, subconscious level. These are the beliefs that control our behavior and are part of the paradigm.
If you’ve set goals in the past, but you haven’t been able to achieve them, it could be because you’re not honest with yourself on some level. To find out, consider the following…
What’s the worst lie you tell?
One way we can start to get honest is to think about the lies we tell ourselves; because those are often the worst lies we ever tell.
Think about it.
We live in denial of who we are, what we do, even what we think. And this untruthful mental and physical state that we operate from every day causes us to get the undesirable results we are getting.
So, before you finalize your goals for the year, I encourage you to take some time to shed the persona you have created and get real with yourself. Get clear about your beliefs, determine if they are sound, and think about why your behavior isn’t integrated with your goals.
Are you being honest about this?
Here are a few common things we’re not honest about in our lives. See if any of the following statements are true for you. As you read through each scenario, see if it triggers other ways you might be less than truthful with yourself.
1. YOU TELL YOURSELF YOU WORK HARDER THAN YOU REALLY DO.
You tell yourself—and anyone who will listen—that you work really hard at your job or in your business.
However, if you were to monitor how you spend your time, would you discover that you work a lot less than you think?
Are you frequently on social media or watching YouTube? Do you multitask when you should be totally focused on your work? Do you run errands or get distracted by your phone during work hours?
Is it possible that you haven’t gotten the raise or promotion you want, or your business isn’t taking off because you don’t put in the time? Or that you aren’t making much progress on your goals because you’re not putting all your attention on the task at hand?
Or maybe, just maybe, you say you’re doing the work, but all you’re really doing is just thinking or talking about it.
2. YOU TELL YOURSELF YOU WOULD DO ______ IF YOU JUST HAD MORE TIME.
You might say you want to start a business, get healthy, or multiply your income, but you can’t do it because you’re too busy.
If you ever feel there’s never enough time in the day to do the thing you want to do, ask yourself if you really want it. Maybe you’re enamored with the idea of your goal, but you’re not willing to make the sacrifices that come with actually achieving it.
3. YOU MAKE EXCUSES FOR YOUR LACK OF ACTION.
You have a goal that’s been on your mind for quite a while. Maybe it’s changing fields or buying your dream home.
You think about it a lot, but—if you’re honest—you haven’t taken any concrete steps toward it.
Is it because you’re scared? Do you want it so badly that you’re terrified of failing, so you’ve talked yourself into believing that you’re happy with the path you’re on?
If you’re not sure, do you tell yourself things like the following?
“I just need to focus.”
“I just need to buckle down.”
“I need to save more money.”
4. YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF, “THIS YEAR I’M GOING TO DO IT FINALLY.”
You’ve had the same goal for years. And it’s a big one. You want to quit your job and run your own business. You started the business a couple of years ago, and you’ve made some sales, but you’re still operating at a loss.
Even though you already know what to do, you haven’t stepped up and stepped out to take things to the next level. The question you must ask yourself is why.
Are you afraid you’ll fail? Or maybe you’re scared of success?
Is this something you really want to do or are you doing it because you think you should do it?
Or maybe you have one or more of the following beliefs: doing what you love won’t pay enough; working for a big corporation is more stable than working for yourself, or you don’t know enough to ever really make it big.
5. YOU TELL YOURSELF YOUR LIFE WOULD BE AMAZING IF YOU COULD JUST ________.
Just fill in the blank with whatever your big “thing” is: Buy your dream home, write and publish a book, find your soul mate, become a millionaire, whatever.
That’s a lie because no one single goal will or should ever be enough. You should always be happy but never satisfied. In fact, we’re wired to exist in a state of mild dissatisfaction. It’s the feeling of dissatisfaction that motivates us to grow and create.
Think about this…
We all think we know ourselves well, but psychological studies show otherwise.
Part of the problem is, because of our paradigm, we may be hardwired with built-in self-deception. That makes the path to truth and clarity much foggier.
Here’s a wonderful poem by Portia Nelson entitled “There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk” that is very fitting…
Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault… I get out immediately.
Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter Five
I walk down another street.
To get yourself over any hurdle you first need to acknowledge that it is there. Otherwise, you’ll keep running into it over and over.
If you want to get honest about yourself, start to investigate your behavior, beliefs, and motivations—not merely through introspection, but also observation. Keep a journal as you go through this self-assessment period.
Also, assess the following:
• Write down your top five values. If you’re not sure what your values are, look at where you spend your time and your money. That will show you what’s most important to you.
• Name three things that you are passionate about. These can be things that you would love to do for a living or simply things that refuel and energize you.
• Identify your top five strengths or gifts. As you are listing these, think about how you can use them to help others.
When you start observing your life and thinking in this way, you’ll likely discover some things you weren’t aware of.
For example, when you look at how you spend your time, you may find that you spend too much time working and it’s keeping you preventing you from enjoying your passions.
That might not be something that you are willing to admit to yourself. And because you don’t admit it, your mind isn’t able to recognize it, and you’re not able to change anything about your actions or behavior.
So being really honest with yourself during this self-assessment exercise is y important. Like the poem above illustrates, to get yourself over any hurdle you first need to acknowledge that it is there.
To more and better,
Sandy Gallagher
